Marriage, Engagement and Proposals
Proposals
A proposal is the grand finale of a love story, the moment two souls connect and truly recognise each other as the music swells. Or it is the formal offer of a sound contract between two long-standing corporate enterprises, to be carefully considered before polite acceptance or decline. Your character’s view on this is likely to be shaped by their age and their romantic history.
In the game, a proposal occurs as a formal, verbalised or written, request to approach the other’s parents and ask for their assent to the union. Once a proposal is made, the couple are in a delicate dance - it would be scandalous to refuse ungraciously or hastily, but any delay in giving an answer could give the impression that an arrangement has already been made and warning off other suitors.
If your proposal is accepted, then it would be scandalous to break the agreement without clear necessary circumstances. In any broken engagement, the rejected party would be regarded with sympathy and pity (with a mild suspicion that they must have done something) while the faithless suitor would be denounced as a cad and a bounder. Even if your parents refuse to accept the match or threaten to disinherit you, you are still bound to your word unless the other person chooses to release you.
You must not propose to more than one person in the course of the evening. IC, this is because proposing to a second person in a single evening shows that you are reckless and not taking the matter seriously enough. OC, this is to maintain pacing and tension throughout the evening.
“No, he is not so unworthy as you believe him. He has broken no faith with me.’’
“But he told you that he loved you?’’ -
“Yes - no - never absolutely. It was every day implied,
but never professedly declared.
Sometimes I thought it had been - but it never was.”
Sense and Sensibility
Engagement
An engagement is not official until representatives of the families have given their approval. Traditionally this happens after a discussion between the two representatives about the terms of the marriage.
Common questions are:
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What conditions are to be placed on whom the couple can name as heirs?
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Do they intend to have heirs of the body, or adopt? If adopting, how will they choose their heirs?
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Will all children be presumed to be the children of both parties (i.e. the dowers will be shared between all children of either partner)
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Whose family will they live with, or where (and with what money!)
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Will they buy an estate?
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Will income be shared jointly? Will debts?
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Will any consideration be paid to either family for agreeing to the match?
This discussion may be formal or informal. It may be agreed with a handshake or a contract; it is rumoured that many agreements are settled finally at the gaming table… or with a duel!
Engagements can be broken, but this is even more serious than breaking a proposal - once the match is announced, the contract is considered final. The party breaking the contract would have to have an exceptionally good reason (e.g. the other party has lied about their identity, or already has another spouse) and is liable to be sued in the Ecclesiastical Courts. This is a scandal of the highest order. The person who broke the engagement is likely to be seen as fickle, the one who was dumped as undesirable.
The marriage License
Regarding the Hardwicke’s Marriage Act of 1753 which came into force on 25 March 1754 – an Act designed for ‘the better preventing of clandestine Marriages’
There are three ways to get married - after the public announcement of the intent on three successive weeks in the location of the wedding, which takes place on the fourth week; by ordinary license, which requires the consent of a local religious leader and that the marriage take place in their religious institution where one partner has attended at least a month; and by special license, which requires the consent of the crown and allows the marriage to take place immediately and anywhere. All these require both parties to swear faithfully they have the consent of their parents and that there is no impediment to the match.
Alternatively, you could run away to Gretna Green and marry without consulting anyone. It would, naturally, be a scandal….
“How Wickham and Lydia were to be supported in tolerable independence,
she could not imagine. But how little of permanent happiness could
belong to a couple who were only brought together because their passions
were stronger than their virtue, she could easily conjecture.”
Pride and Prejudice
Marriage
Marriage is an indissolvable legal contract. There is no way to undo a valid marriage - the only hope would be to show the other person was not free to marry i.e. married already or lacked their parents' permission. There are no grounds for dissolving it because of a lack of consummation - this is considered quite beside the point. Even if you did manage to undo a marriage, the gossip raised by the whole affair would be seriously scandalous.
A marriage only ends at the death of one party. Widowed partners are welcome to remarry, although not as desirable on the marriage market. They may need to remarry to secure sufficient funds to live. If a partner’s wealth has been inherited by a minor child, the other parent or appointed relative will take charge of the money until the child comes of age (25).
Married couples are presumed to cohabit for the rest of their lives. Moving out of a spouses house permanently would be considered scandalous, but going on long extended holidays elsewhere is common. Affairs are common - almost expected! As long as they are moderately discreet and keep up public appearences with their spouse, society ignores all and any sexual or romantic behaviour. Publically living with, having children with or declaring one’s love for anyone other than your spouse is scandalous - but the key word here is public!